Prepare Your Angus: The Hardee’s Thickburger that is all set to claim your virginity

While out and about in Karachi a few days ago, I came across some billboards that were too explicitly sexual (especially for Pakistan).

In a country where billboards containing photos of models wearing lawn are vandalised, this was just an open, suggestive invitation.

Now I couldn’t take photos myself but found these online.

MAKE SURE YOU SWALLOW... After you chew properly.

MAKE SURE YOU SWALLOW… After you chew properly.

Whoa, wait a second; what is that giant pink pout doing on that billboard? It’s certainly not selling lipstick. Oh right, it’s just a really sexy mouth opening wide to taste your the Angus – the Hardee’s Angus Thickburger which I cannot see anywhere on the billboard.

If there is one thing I’m glad about right now, it is that Hardee’s didn’t do this to sell their hot dogs. I don’t know whose unfortunate mouth that is, but many in Karachi have already declared it dirty (and sexy, of course).

Use both hands to hold the buns on your Angus.

Use both hands to hold the buns on your Angus.

Then came another billboards on which I saw no juicy burger oozing with molten cheese with a succulent, grilled patty in the middle. Instead, I saw a pair of hands strangling your the invisible Angus.

“Use both hands,” it demands. Now when you’re making love to a burger, it is utterly significant that you hold its bun in a sturdy grip to ensure complete taste bud pleasure.

Then came the third and final billboard.

unbuckle

There are a few rules for enjoying a burger, but the most important rule is to first expose yourself to the burger in order to develop a bond of raw, animalistic (food) passion. You should do this out of courtesy yourself, however, if your burger is a bold one and asks you to do it, remember to be polite and unzip that fly. No regrets, just love. Let your burger know that your body is ready.

Now, it is of prime importance that you sort out your beliefs regarding adultery before you eat this burger, which I have not seen yet because it isn’t on the billboard. I sense potential zinna (adultery) fatwas brewing.

Hardee’s site tells me that it looks like this:

My Angus is for sale. Love, Hardee's.

My Angus is for sale. Love, Hardee’s.

Shit girl, that burger looks so good, it’s practically haraam.

The great thing is that when you devour the Angus Thickburger, you can say “That’s going straight to my ass and I don’t mean I’ll get fat!” and wink at your friend because everyone loves innuendos and puns.

This gave rise to the sometimes misunderstood pervert burger meme which is not really a meme because I just made it. Seriously, this is the first time you’ll see it, it’s not popular at all.

Hahaha, damn, Angy, I thought you were going to grab my butt or something.

Hahaha, damn, Angy, I thought you were going to grab my butt or something.

Oh yeah sure thank-- AW HELLZ NAW.

Hey, I’m terrified, Angus, stop it.

COKE

I am your slave, Angus.

Now available in hamburger flavour to get the ladies screaming.

Now available in hamburger flavour to get the ladies screaming.

I'd nom that.

I’d nom that.

#JustBurgerThings

#JustBurgerThings

This burger, which I am yet to see on a billboard, is coming soon to raid your pretty mouth, and Jean-Claude Rob Van DAMN, am I looking forward to it.

This was gross but clever advertising. Hardee’s, you cheeky bar-stud, you knew far too well that people were going to write and tweet about this. I’ll be waiting for a free limited edition Angus from you.

So, Pakistan, on a scale of 1 to 10, how prepared is your Angus for the Angus Thickburger?

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Prepare Your Angus: The Hardee’s Thickburger that is all set to claim your virginity

  1. I think the billboards are amazing and hilarious. Would love an Angus unclenched. Right about now.

  2. Can’t see the burger on the billboard? You don’t say…

    It’s a teaser… lol!

  3. A hundred shares and only one comment? Huh.

    I don’t know, man. It’s dirty, but it is different. The advertising strategy might not be great, but it is something. And see, we’re all talking about it!

  4. ^Meaning you’d use any strategy (how profane or dirty it may be) to sell your stuff? There is a point where you draw the line between right and wrong and this is clearly way pass that line.

  5. This is great. Creative advertising at last. A good break from a bland taliban pleasing spree of advertisement. I actually laughed out at this. Just remember sex sells.

  6. It’s sexist. Enough said. Everyone talking about how it’s “different” and shit, I’d like to see you react to a guy’s various body parts (mouth, hands, sausage, whatever) reaching for that imaginary Angus!

  7. Wow, talk about a comeback post on the blog 🙂

  8. I have the weirdest boner right now 0_o

  9. It’ll be hilarious if pictures of people eating Hardee’s Angus with a little bit of mayo stain on the corners of their mouths surfaced on the internet after it’s launch.

    Let’s make it a thing! Lets give the sexy advertisement a sexy climax (punintentional)

    • Well there is a thing called being subtle and smart and i personally loved the advertising.
      and the last 5 to 6 pictures u showed in this article, i havent seen hardees use anything like that for their outdoor ads or anything!
      You need to understand, people saying that its an inappropriate ad is just pointless cause in the end the advertisers of this ad could always come up and say ‘hey u have a dirty mind..we are just selling burgers’. See what they did there? thats being smart and subtle with your advertising. You cant really point anything out thats vulgar or inappropriate with the ad. its just your thoughts and maybe u just need to change the way u think buddy.

  10. I really doubt this would sell and more than likely turn BK into a chichora club for the duration of these adds.

    That’s a niche BK does not want to be associated with.

  11. Wow….Karachi’s really moved, and how. Can’t imagine this in my whereabouts – which fall flat on the Deccan platue for now. I guess conservatism is more fluid & malleable where populations are connected more to the outside. BTW, the assaliciousness of your buns, sorry puns were not lost in transit. Between dhoom3 & this, my night is gonna be lost in updating myself on the rest of the blogs for sure. So for someone who’s truly disintegrating gender (imaan is so neutral) and geography, more power to u gal!

  12. This was the funniest post I’ve read in a while! These billboards were all over Islamabad as well. So scandalous… Especially for us Isloo/Pindiites with delicate dispositions! 😀

  13. Hahahahha! And here I thought I had a dirty mind. Nicely done.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s