While out and about in Karachi a few days ago, I came across some billboards that were too explicitly sexual (especially for Pakistan).
In a country where billboards containing photos of models wearing lawn are vandalised, this was just an open, suggestive invitation.
Now I couldn’t take photos myself but found these online.
Whoa, wait a second; what is that giant pink pout doing on that billboard? It’s certainly not selling lipstick. Oh right, it’s just a really sexy mouth opening wide to taste
your the Angus – the Hardee’s Angus Thickburger which I cannot see anywhere on the billboard.
If there is one thing I’m glad about right now, it is that Hardee’s didn’t do this to sell their hot dogs. I don’t know whose unfortunate mouth that is, but many in Karachi have already declared it dirty (and sexy, of course).
Then came another billboards on which I saw no juicy burger oozing with molten cheese with a succulent, grilled patty in the middle. Instead, I saw a pair of hands strangling
your the invisible Angus.
“Use both hands,” it demands. Now when you’re making love to a burger, it is utterly significant that you hold its bun in a sturdy grip to ensure complete taste bud pleasure.
Then came the third and final billboard.
There are a few rules for enjoying a burger, but the most important rule is to first expose yourself to the burger in order to develop a bond of raw, animalistic (food) passion. You should do this out of courtesy yourself, however, if your burger is a bold one and asks you to do it, remember to be polite and unzip that fly. No regrets, just love. Let your burger know that your body is ready.
Now, it is of prime importance that you sort out your beliefs regarding adultery before you eat this burger, which I have not seen yet because it isn’t on the billboard. I sense potential zinna (adultery) fatwas brewing.
Hardee’s site tells me that it looks like this:
Shit girl, that burger looks so good, it’s practically haraam.
The great thing is that when you devour the Angus Thickburger, you can say “That’s going straight to my ass and I don’t mean I’ll get fat!” and wink at your friend because everyone loves innuendos and puns.
This gave rise to the sometimes misunderstood pervert burger meme which is not really a meme because I just made it. Seriously, this is the first time you’ll see it, it’s not popular at all.
This burger, which I am yet to see on a billboard, is coming soon to raid your pretty mouth, and Jean-Claude Rob Van DAMN, am I looking forward to it.
This was gross but clever advertising. Hardee’s, you cheeky bar-stud, you knew far too well that people were going to write and tweet about this. I’ll be waiting for a free limited edition Angus from you.
So, Pakistan, on a scale of 1 to 10, how prepared is your Angus for the Angus Thickburger?